Fitness and Family? Active lifestyle and Relationships.

Written September 28th, 2017

This topic was requested of me, and I am not a professional expert, but for sure have been through my share of living an active lifestyle and relationships...

As you may know, I am pretty open about my life and share stories so they might help someone else in their struggles. I was married for 10 years and have two wonderfully awesome sons from it, and for that I am grateful. I met my ex-wife at a triathlon.  I was president of the Texas State Triathlon Club after we got married. We went to World Triathlon Championships in France "as our honeymoon..." I cannot speak for my ex, but it is pretty obvious, at some point she could no longer accept my active lifestyle as a triathlete. She did express it was a "competition" for her... Now, I have learned to not take this personally and I no longer blame her for that point of view. It was what it was, we both learned a little more about ourselves over the years and our boys came through fine after the breakup.

I cannot do anything to change the past or control someone else's thoughts, feelings or perceptions about who I am or how I care for them.

This is a profound lesson I had to learn and now embrace. I also learned and accepted that who I am is who I am, and the lifestyle I live has nothing to do with how I feel or care about someone. Conversely, if they cannot accept that, it is their problem, not mine.

I know these are pretty powerful statements and it took me a long time to accept them. So you may have to read them a few times and carry them around with you to truly accept them for yourself.

I am not saying that you don't have a say over how much time you spend with someone, how you can include them, or how they participate in your lifestyle. These are all choices for you as a couple to make. Another choice you have to make is whether you are going to be you and do what makes your heart, mind, and spirit feel alive, or are you going to live the way someone else wants you to live?

The basic choices are simple-

1. Are you going to live a healthy and active lifestyle? Does your relationship support that and vise Versa?

2. Is being you, a healthy active individual, more important than a relationship that challenges that?

3. Are you willing to leave the relationship OR change your lifestyle for this person?

While I was in this type of relationship, I was committed to the relationship and I was willing to make the changes and I did. I worked out less, which made me sad, depressed and unhealthy. I gave up my production business, Seidel Productions, so I could spend more time with the boys while she went to school. Now, I will always wonder where that business, my dream, would have been today... I felt trapped, my spirit darkened... I do not have regrets now and I do not blame anyone but myself and my choices in that chapter of my life.

On the other side of it, while I am currently chasing my dreams again, I feel alive! I have learned that living MY LIFE and serving my PURPOSE is more important than a relationship that challenges my DREAM. Is this selfish?  Maybe, but it IS being REAL.  A relationship where one or both spirits are darkened is not a serving relationship for either person.

So to end on a happy note...going back to the picture of Jordan and his Family up top, I witnessed Jenny, Jordan's wife supporting him through his months of training for his Half Ironman. I was aware that both Jordan and Jenny have health issues in their family. After Jordan started his journey to better health, Jenny supported that, because she was willing to give up a few hours a week of family time so that in the long run her husband would be around longer and happy to boot!

I also witnessed the extreme stress and anticipation of Jenny while she was watching Jordan race (it is not easy watching your loved one do an Ironman by any means...). Then I watched the joyous reunion of the whole family after Jordan completed the most physical and mental challenge of his life thus far... This is why I coach :'-)

In conclusion, living an active lifestyle can be extremely stressful and demanding in a relationship. It can also be extremely positive and fulfilling in the long run. My advice is early on, have the discussion, include your spouse and or partner in the decision making the process. Tell them that what is important to you is the way of life of being active and healthy, how it makes you feel alive, and that you want to be active into old age!  Consider whether your partner wants to be part of this; do they want to be active with you, how can you include them in your lifestyle, or do they have their own passion and activity they can do while you are doing yours?

If they are not going to be part of your active lifestyle, if they are going to make you feel guilty, if they are going to challenge how you want to spend your life and time, then it might be time for you to make the decision on if they are building you up or holding you back...

Peace, love, and serenity while LIVING TO THE PLUS!

If you would like to continue this conversation or have feedback, comment below or comment on Nick to the PLUS Facebook. If you have a specific question or challenge you are struggling with, email me at NicktothePLUS@gmail.com

I will do everything in my power to help or find an answer for you.

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